"The Suite Life of Kathy and Willie"

[OrochiGeese]

*We fade into the Manhattan apartment of Robin and Geese Walker. Robin is sitting on a couch wearing a white t-shirt and green sweatpants with a white stripe down the leg. In the background, we see Mr. Clyde standing in front of a window performing surveillance. Kyle Walker marches past the frame with an energy drink in his hand and a scowl on his face. Robin notices his expression and winces but then refocuses her attention to the camera.*

[Robin:] “First, the entire Walker family would like to send our best New Years wishes to slick Willie and KO’d Kathy. We are also available to help you craft your resolutions since they are likely as flawed as your observations are.

We’ve been perusing your latest message and gol-ly, what a thinker! You truly are the hardest working woman, Kathy. In addition to being a wrestler and a lawyer, you are also an orchestra conductor. That’s right, you have now made me play a tiny violin in honor of your modern gig life.”

*Robin walks the walk and puts her finger into tiny violin position…before then moving those two fingers considerably south of the camera view. Right as she feigns pleasure, her expression turns serious.”

[Robin:] “So congratulations to both of you for getting to live the fast-paced and multi-faceted lives that you chose. You are a true Renaissance woman, Kathy. Too bad you possess all the insight of a cleric balls deep in the Dark Ages. This may surprise you, but not everyone gets to enjoy the busy life that you do. Why am I not living up to your frenetic pace in and out of the ring? After all, it wasn’t so long ago that I was the OG-Joshi World Champion, Vice President of Marketing of Orochi-O’s Inc, and Director of Orochi-O’s Land.”

*Robin places her index finger on her chin and appears deep in thought*

[Robin:] “Hmmm. I wonder what changed. Maybe if you had stayed around a little longer after the match, rather than rushing to find out where the beef was, you would have noticed a few things. For instance, Geese and Kyle were apparently stroking out while looking into the crowd. Why, do you ask? Because they noticed the type of movement that traditionally preceded Gauntlet attack. Thankfully, they were wrong, but you can’t easily unlearn the effect that pattern recognition has on one’s brain. It was shocking to them that we got to finish a match, on an anniversary show no less, without some kind of coordinated attack on us. They still aren't convinced that Gauntlet is gone, and they aren’t alone.”

*The camera pans once again to Mr. Clyde who is standing motionless as he stares out the window. The camera pans back and the expression on Robin’s face begins to show more anger.*

[Robin:] “And can you really blame them after the past few years? I know you two have done your homework on us, and not just our wrestling careers. The lives that we have led are public knowledge at this point. And yet…and yet, you dare say that you faced Geese and I at our best. Our best? Have you changed the meaning of that word in your role as Chief Cunning Linguist with DeepDictionary.com? Or are you just that f’n ignorant?

You chalk up our light schedule to choice and say that it provided a competitive advantage. But that reveals a stunning obliviousness on your part. While you two are living it up as royalty in the ring, the suite life of Kathy and Willie, our lives have been derailed since 2011.

Here's a morsel of knowledge that Kathy hasn’t swallowed. It's actually not fun being hunted by a cult and their rogue paramilitary group. We had to put our lives on hold for years. Yeah, we needed a vacation when I came out of my coma, and Geese and Kyle had to patch things up. But do you think we wanted to retire? No, we did it because we thought we had to go into hiding. We also did it because we thought taking ourselves off the board would protect UBL from Destiny. Geese even sold OG-Joshi to Ruby and not just for the money to help me out of my coma. He hoped that the sale would cultivate some good will between our groups and allow us to bow out without being a target. But Ruby did not relent, our home was not hidden, and UBL was still a target. Destiny knew where the Walker compound was, they just couldn't invade due to security set up by Celes, Figaro, and Clyde. Oh, you two ever heard of Celes and Figaro? While you are complaining that you get to wrestle prolifically for a living against your peers, we are still grieving the disappearance of our friends: Their uncertain fate is the worst casualty of being targeted by Destiny and Gauntlet, but not the only ones.

UBL and OG-Joshi were almost ruined by the war. OG-Joshi became a pawn of Destiny and UBL became a literal battle ground, ironically beyond what was intended for it. The government had to get involved from Interpol to numerous shadow agencies of the U.S. That's why OG-Joshi and UBL sparingly run shows. Even though the Gauntlet threat is allegedly gone, the damage to operational structure has remained. Both promotions and the arena have to pay exorbitant rates in insurance due to the horrors that have occurred on their watch. The premiums tend to raise on pro wrestling events when people get blown up by military grade explosives. There’s also a limit as to how many shows each promotion can run within a given time. They are just slowly building their way out of suspicion: one normal show at a time. Maybe by the end of the year they’ll be trusted again. In any case, that's the reason they haven't been able to run shows more consistently, even with Jarec and his merry militia men sent to SHITMO.”

*A stern-faced Geese walks by and hands Robin a glass of water, encouraging her to drink and breathe. In the time she does, he begins to speak.*

[Geese:] “Queen – I laugh at your assertion that you saw us at my best. You and King are just fortunate that the time has passed where you could see us at our worst. As I search for my ultimate threshold, I seek to compensate for the very issues that Robin has raised. And if she decides to extend the privilege again, then Kathy will understand what a truly unleashed Robin is capable of.”

*Geese pats Robin on the back and leaves the frame.*

[Robin:] “Thanks Geese. Of course, the next question Kathy has is predictabo. Why only wrestle in OG-Joshi and UBL if they are moving at a snail’s pace? They are the only places where we get a shot at controlling the surroundings. Even then, rogues still routinely broke through. Imagine going to a place where we don’t have security on good terms with us, and friends that own the promotions and building itself? Imagine trying to explain to other promoters just how targeted we have been? They may sympathize with us, but they have not been through it so they can’t prepare for it. Are you getting a sense of our limits? When you get a package sent to your locker room, you don’t worry that it will explode, just that your Flanigan's Rib Rolls got there cold. We only get to go to the grocery store when Clyde is able to visit. You live a charmed life, a normal life. We’ve been at war for over 10 years and are worse for the wear. Saying that we are at our best…it betrays a staggering ignorance that offends us. And no, we’re not triggered. This isn’t a personal insult. Rather, for two fellow humans of considerable talent to disconnect from reality is upsetting to all of us.”

*Kyle goes over and pats Robin on the back and stares at the camera. The expression on his face is sub-optimal given his history.*

[Robin:] “So let's talk about the fact we don't get to wrestle as much. It's true that we aren't injured. It's true that we get to rest though you'd be surprised how much our sleep is affected by the sh*t we've been through. But even though we regularly exercise and train, there's no substitute for actual in ring competition.

We have competitive lactic acid building up in our minds since we don't get to wrestle for stakes more than a few times a year. Competitive momentum can only be achieved by constantly being in the ring against strong opponents. You two are regularly wrestling around the country The last official match Geese had before facing you was with James Ward. And yet, Geese needed that match - and not just out of revenge - but because it gave him ring time. He didn't just savor Ward's humiliation; he savored being in a position to defend himself against someone who legitimately wanted to take him down. Ward had no shot but the intent allowed Geese to flex his competitive muscles. We can’t provide that against each other in training because we don’t wish to hurt each other for real. It is a benefit that you get to face it all the time, not a liability. What we get on a daily basis is the sense that danger outside the ring is never far away.”

*A loud sound is heard outside that appears to just be from a car backfiring on a busy New York City street. Robin looks over to Clyde, who nods, then looks back at the camera and points out the window.*

[Robin:] “So, are you still bitter and jealous of our ‘time off?’ You think it's helping us? You think we want this? You think we wouldn't trade it for a world where Moreno and Jarec didn't wage a decade long war against us and the promotions we created? Is this living it up at our best and strongest!?”

*Robin takes a few moments to collect herself and appears calmer but oddly cold, as if she was disappointed.*

[Robin:] “If you truly think that, then I've drastically overestimated you, Queen. You have clear talent, but you lack a full appreciation of the life you get to live: the ability to earnestly fight for your goals and reap the rewards uninhibited because your lives aren’t constantly targeted by psychos. You even undervalue the ability to feel sore from KANABO lariating you in a sanctioned match instead of having some Col DeBeers-rip off blowing C4 and hospitalizing one of your closest friends. So maybe hold off on those airport and jet lag sob stories.

You’re a go-getter, you excel at everything you put your mind to, but you take too much for granted. I know you had to fight for everything you've earned because I did too. I recognize that fire in your eyes just as I recognize your intrepid spirit. But if you stop appreciating the privilege of the normal life you have, you'll start turning bitter and make mistakes. That's what happened to me. I grew resentful of others who didn't work as hard as me and that anger made me do terrible things I regret. When I first saw you, I sensed someone with more in ring talent than I ever had that also lacked the anger that held me back. That's why I engaged with you. I could have ignored you, assumed you were just instigating things with me cause you wanted to make your name in OG-Joshi off of me. But I thought I saw more; I thought I saw an actual connection that went beyond parallels on the surface. And I won't lie - it was legitimately fun wrestling you and William.”

*A hint of a smile appears but almost as a tease, it’s gone as quickly as it came. Robin now leans into the camera with a focused look.*

[Robin:] “But you need to drop your tone and listen closely. If you continue to bring that resentful sh*t and fail to recognize the reasons our careers and lives have been on hold, you don't get me again. If you are so oblivious to think that you faced Geese and I at my best, you aren’t worthy of my time. Wrestling me in a singles match will be the greatest honor of your career. If you aren't able to approach it with the proper mindset, then I won't waste it on you.

But I'm going to give you another chance. I want you to appreciate the time we spend together by realizing just how much worse things can be for you. I wasn’t at my best, but I am still the best. However, now it's time for you to taste some of the rest. You want that 1 on 1 match with me at the OG-FPD 20th Anniversary Show in December? That’s right, it’s a true milestone in a series of events dedicated to milestones. Well, now you gotta earn it by beating an opponent that I choose for you. I'm going to help you get your sense of appreciation back for what you do by having you face someone who never had that appreciation. When you stare into her cold, dead eyes, you'll treasure the time you spend wrestling warm bodies three times a night and you’ll yearn for the heat that I bring.”

*Robin leans back, seemingly now unburdened by all she just said. She is about to signal for the camera to turn off then smirks.*

[Robin:] “In the meantime, maybe lay off the fast food so late at night after matches. Don’t make me replace the “Kaori NiGHT Thunder Thigh" bumper car ride in Orochi-O's Land with the “Kathy Queef Muddy Waters” log flume.”

*Robin blows a kiss, and the camera turns off.*