Dizzy: F*ck you Matt Lauer
Feb 15, 2007 3:11:55 GMT -5
Post by OrochiGeese on Feb 15, 2007 3:11:55 GMT -5
6/26/05
As the scene opens, we have HEROIC OG-FPD Joshi Champion, Dizzy, sitting in a chair across from Matt Lauer - 'cuz, uh, Matt Lauer has been scoring the EXCLUSIVE interviews like his "straight laced white guy cage match" with Tom Cruise over chemicals used to alter one's mood, to "softballing" the homo-phobic gay mayor of Spokane, Washington; MATT LAUER IS THE NEWS, BI-YATCH!
[Matt Lauer:] I'm here with OG-FPD Joshi Champion, and a member of Team Ryder... Miss Diane Cavuto, better known to wrestling audiences as Dizzy, welcome to the Today show!
Camera cuts to Dizzy looking about the studio.
[Dizzy:] Oooooh, very nice, yes yes this is!
[Matt Lauer:] Uh... Miss Cavuto?
[Dizzy:] Hm? OH! Hello, to all my Dizzaroos!
[Matt Lauer:] Dizzaroos?
[Dizzy:] It's what I call my fans - Yanno, The Rock's fans are "The People" and Hulk Hogan's fans are "Hulkamaniacs!" or how Spunk's female fans are all "Glazed" - gosh, why do they call themselves that, they don't LOOK like donuts, it's only lending to women feeling bad about themselves, that it does... why, women are more than simple donuts, why, if I had to compare women to pastries, we're TOTALLY more like Baguettes! Yanno, the hard french bread.
[Matt Lauer:] Ah, that was infinitely more than I think I cared to know.
[Dizzy:] Oops! I'm sorry, sorry!
[Matt Lauer:] It's okay, we'll edit that part out. Now, you recently defended that OG-FPD Joshi Championship against Holly at the "Darkness Falls" show... what was the hostility there?
[Dizzy:] Oh, gosh, the hostility? It's that Holly says all sorts of MEAN things about my friends, that she does! You can't talk about people like that and expect to not have to pay for it - no, no! Every action has consequences and rewards - Haley Cannon beating Kaori Night in her debut match up, why, that'd say that Haley is DESERVING of a title shot! And she didn't even have to hit me with a sledgehammer for me to say this!
...are you gonna edit that?
[Matt Lauer:] How about a shorter version of what you just said?
[Dizzy:] Holly BAD. Haley GOOD. Haley get title shot.
[Matt Lauer:] Now you're just making fun of me.
[Dizzy:] Dizzy am, Lauer BAD. What, was Katie Couric too busy counting her money to do this interview?
[Matt Lauer:] Yes.
[Dizzy:] Oooh... I'm sorry, go on ahead with your questions...
[Matt Lauer:] It says that you're a member of Team Ryder - what is this?
[Dizzy:] Team Ryder is an organization of some of the world's BEST wrestling talent: in addition to PW-Wild double champion - Grandmaster's Champion and half of the Tag Team Champions - Eddie Swan and FPN Undisputed Champion Fishboy, there's myself, and one of the FASTEST rising stars in cruiserweight wrestling Frog Jones and our two dedicated coaches, Miss Jo Ryder and Mister Phil Buster!
People like to make fun of us for our matching jumpsuits, but they're just jealous 'cuz we look totally pimp in them - green is just my color I guess, that it is.
[Matt Lauer:] I... see?
[Dizzy:] It's okay if you don't; because... not everybody GETS joshi wrestling that OG-FPD has. YES, we're women. YES, some of us look good in bikinis and like to pose in them for photographers - look for my 2006 swimsuit calender hitting stores in November~! - and YES, we can make jokes about things like being women and stuff. Instead of saying Holly is a "whiny bitch" I can say she "lacks vaginal fortitude" - That's funny, 'cuz women have vaginas!
But, no matter what any of the women say - no matter what we do to poor Random Interviewer Guys - no matter what happens outside of the ring, the REAL star of the OG-FPD Joshi division is what happens IN the ring; never before have a collection of the FINEST women's wrestlers been assembled in one place; this would be like the C-CWA's Women's Champion and the M-DWF's Women's Champion being in a league facing the AJW Champion and the ARSION Champion to see who faces the AtoZ Major Girls' Fighting Champion to see who the REAL best of wrestling is!
EVERY WOMAN HERE is looking to prove something: That they are the BEST wrestler in the promotion. There's no fake weddings, no weirdness backstage like "Who's sleeping with who?" 'cuz uh, we're all girls and NOBODY's sleeping with each other! Or they could be and I'm just not aware of it! Women are good at keeping those kinds of secrets.
[Matt Lauer:] So, it's worth watching OG-FPD?
[Dizzy:] DUH?!
At the next OG-FPD Pay Per View, I want to wrestle Haley Cannon! This is BIG that she'd be involved in something like this... and you'll note that BEFORE OG-FPD, nobody had heard of Dizzy, or of Haley Cannon - now, we're STUNNING the world by being the two best wrestlers in it! Is it wrong for me to hijack your TV time to say this? To say, at the next OG-FPD Pay Per View, I want to wrestle Haley Cannon for my OG-FPD Joshi Championship? I don't think so - because we're both about WRESTLING. And, I think the fans watching at home can see that.
[Matt Lauer:] Amazing. What's your opinion on the Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes engagement?
[Dizzy:] Oh, gosh, that looks so fake, but if they're really happy, then I don't know what's wrong with it, that I don't.
[Matt Lauer:] Why do you talk like that?
[Dizzy:] Talk like what?
[Matt Lauer:] Like Yoda.
[Dizzy:] My yodaspeak has been a staple of my speech for years, that it has, but I never knew I was "copying" a character from a movie until I was in high school, that I didn't.
[Matt Lauer:] So...?
[Dizzy:] I dunno.
Lauer sighs, before shaking his head and continuing...
[Matt Lauer:] What do you see in your future?
[Dizzy:] Being the best!
[Matt Lauer:] ...why do you want to be the best?
[Dizzy:] Because... uh... I'm not yet.
[Matt Lauer:] What happens when you become the best?
{Dizzy:] Then I'll retire and go be a physicist.
[Matt Lauer:] Big words for such a cute little girl! Did someone coach you to say "physicist" backstage?
[Dizzy:] ...Did you just make fun of me?
[Matt Lauer:] Well, it's hard to believe that you'd-
[Dizzy:] That I'd have gone to college? University of Nevada, Las Vegas? Do you think I went on a stripper's salary or something? This isn't "CSI," this is real life!
[Matt Lauer:] Well, who'd believe someone like you -
[Dizzy:] What? What do you mean "Someone like me?" A girl? You don't believe I have a degree in physics? I do! I could get my doctorate, that I could! That you would talk to me like this, what's wrong with you?
Dizzy gets out of her chair, and stands shorter than Matt Lauer - but looks up to him in his chair and seems to be an imposing figure.
[Dizzy:] Does it AMUSE you to talk about me like that? To make fun of how I talk? THIS IS ME, that it is! I am a serious wrestler! Laugh at me. Go on. Laugh. LAUGH, MATTY!
Lauer forces a laugh...
[Dizzy:] You make me sick, looking for your pound of flesh. What did you expect from me? I am a CHAMPION of WRESTLING, and yeah, I am a good looking young girl, and yeah, people like to look at pictures of Jenna Haze naked and imaging my voice coming out of her mouth, and yeah, maybe I do get a little obsessive about Froggy Jones, and yeah, maybe you REALLY tick me off like this, that you do.
Why can't you focus on what matters? OG-FPD - it's the only place for women wrestlers to go and not be sold as a sex toy with a pulse.
Dizzy switches to Italian, and thus, is subtitled.
[The best chase the best, and you try to feed off them like a parasite! This interview is over!]
Dizzy storms off... and returns to grab the OG-FPD Joshi Championship belt, before storming off again, as teh scene fades to black.
As the scene opens, we have HEROIC OG-FPD Joshi Champion, Dizzy, sitting in a chair across from Matt Lauer - 'cuz, uh, Matt Lauer has been scoring the EXCLUSIVE interviews like his "straight laced white guy cage match" with Tom Cruise over chemicals used to alter one's mood, to "softballing" the homo-phobic gay mayor of Spokane, Washington; MATT LAUER IS THE NEWS, BI-YATCH!
[Matt Lauer:] I'm here with OG-FPD Joshi Champion, and a member of Team Ryder... Miss Diane Cavuto, better known to wrestling audiences as Dizzy, welcome to the Today show!
Camera cuts to Dizzy looking about the studio.
[Dizzy:] Oooooh, very nice, yes yes this is!
[Matt Lauer:] Uh... Miss Cavuto?
[Dizzy:] Hm? OH! Hello, to all my Dizzaroos!
[Matt Lauer:] Dizzaroos?
[Dizzy:] It's what I call my fans - Yanno, The Rock's fans are "The People" and Hulk Hogan's fans are "Hulkamaniacs!" or how Spunk's female fans are all "Glazed" - gosh, why do they call themselves that, they don't LOOK like donuts, it's only lending to women feeling bad about themselves, that it does... why, women are more than simple donuts, why, if I had to compare women to pastries, we're TOTALLY more like Baguettes! Yanno, the hard french bread.
[Matt Lauer:] Ah, that was infinitely more than I think I cared to know.
[Dizzy:] Oops! I'm sorry, sorry!
[Matt Lauer:] It's okay, we'll edit that part out. Now, you recently defended that OG-FPD Joshi Championship against Holly at the "Darkness Falls" show... what was the hostility there?
[Dizzy:] Oh, gosh, the hostility? It's that Holly says all sorts of MEAN things about my friends, that she does! You can't talk about people like that and expect to not have to pay for it - no, no! Every action has consequences and rewards - Haley Cannon beating Kaori Night in her debut match up, why, that'd say that Haley is DESERVING of a title shot! And she didn't even have to hit me with a sledgehammer for me to say this!
...are you gonna edit that?
[Matt Lauer:] How about a shorter version of what you just said?
[Dizzy:] Holly BAD. Haley GOOD. Haley get title shot.
[Matt Lauer:] Now you're just making fun of me.
[Dizzy:] Dizzy am, Lauer BAD. What, was Katie Couric too busy counting her money to do this interview?
[Matt Lauer:] Yes.
[Dizzy:] Oooh... I'm sorry, go on ahead with your questions...
[Matt Lauer:] It says that you're a member of Team Ryder - what is this?
[Dizzy:] Team Ryder is an organization of some of the world's BEST wrestling talent: in addition to PW-Wild double champion - Grandmaster's Champion and half of the Tag Team Champions - Eddie Swan and FPN Undisputed Champion Fishboy, there's myself, and one of the FASTEST rising stars in cruiserweight wrestling Frog Jones and our two dedicated coaches, Miss Jo Ryder and Mister Phil Buster!
People like to make fun of us for our matching jumpsuits, but they're just jealous 'cuz we look totally pimp in them - green is just my color I guess, that it is.
[Matt Lauer:] I... see?
[Dizzy:] It's okay if you don't; because... not everybody GETS joshi wrestling that OG-FPD has. YES, we're women. YES, some of us look good in bikinis and like to pose in them for photographers - look for my 2006 swimsuit calender hitting stores in November~! - and YES, we can make jokes about things like being women and stuff. Instead of saying Holly is a "whiny bitch" I can say she "lacks vaginal fortitude" - That's funny, 'cuz women have vaginas!
But, no matter what any of the women say - no matter what we do to poor Random Interviewer Guys - no matter what happens outside of the ring, the REAL star of the OG-FPD Joshi division is what happens IN the ring; never before have a collection of the FINEST women's wrestlers been assembled in one place; this would be like the C-CWA's Women's Champion and the M-DWF's Women's Champion being in a league facing the AJW Champion and the ARSION Champion to see who faces the AtoZ Major Girls' Fighting Champion to see who the REAL best of wrestling is!
EVERY WOMAN HERE is looking to prove something: That they are the BEST wrestler in the promotion. There's no fake weddings, no weirdness backstage like "Who's sleeping with who?" 'cuz uh, we're all girls and NOBODY's sleeping with each other! Or they could be and I'm just not aware of it! Women are good at keeping those kinds of secrets.
[Matt Lauer:] So, it's worth watching OG-FPD?
[Dizzy:] DUH?!
At the next OG-FPD Pay Per View, I want to wrestle Haley Cannon! This is BIG that she'd be involved in something like this... and you'll note that BEFORE OG-FPD, nobody had heard of Dizzy, or of Haley Cannon - now, we're STUNNING the world by being the two best wrestlers in it! Is it wrong for me to hijack your TV time to say this? To say, at the next OG-FPD Pay Per View, I want to wrestle Haley Cannon for my OG-FPD Joshi Championship? I don't think so - because we're both about WRESTLING. And, I think the fans watching at home can see that.
[Matt Lauer:] Amazing. What's your opinion on the Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes engagement?
[Dizzy:] Oh, gosh, that looks so fake, but if they're really happy, then I don't know what's wrong with it, that I don't.
[Matt Lauer:] Why do you talk like that?
[Dizzy:] Talk like what?
[Matt Lauer:] Like Yoda.
[Dizzy:] My yodaspeak has been a staple of my speech for years, that it has, but I never knew I was "copying" a character from a movie until I was in high school, that I didn't.
[Matt Lauer:] So...?
[Dizzy:] I dunno.
Lauer sighs, before shaking his head and continuing...
[Matt Lauer:] What do you see in your future?
[Dizzy:] Being the best!
[Matt Lauer:] ...why do you want to be the best?
[Dizzy:] Because... uh... I'm not yet.
[Matt Lauer:] What happens when you become the best?
{Dizzy:] Then I'll retire and go be a physicist.
[Matt Lauer:] Big words for such a cute little girl! Did someone coach you to say "physicist" backstage?
[Dizzy:] ...Did you just make fun of me?
[Matt Lauer:] Well, it's hard to believe that you'd-
[Dizzy:] That I'd have gone to college? University of Nevada, Las Vegas? Do you think I went on a stripper's salary or something? This isn't "CSI," this is real life!
[Matt Lauer:] Well, who'd believe someone like you -
[Dizzy:] What? What do you mean "Someone like me?" A girl? You don't believe I have a degree in physics? I do! I could get my doctorate, that I could! That you would talk to me like this, what's wrong with you?
Dizzy gets out of her chair, and stands shorter than Matt Lauer - but looks up to him in his chair and seems to be an imposing figure.
[Dizzy:] Does it AMUSE you to talk about me like that? To make fun of how I talk? THIS IS ME, that it is! I am a serious wrestler! Laugh at me. Go on. Laugh. LAUGH, MATTY!
Lauer forces a laugh...
[Dizzy:] You make me sick, looking for your pound of flesh. What did you expect from me? I am a CHAMPION of WRESTLING, and yeah, I am a good looking young girl, and yeah, people like to look at pictures of Jenna Haze naked and imaging my voice coming out of her mouth, and yeah, maybe I do get a little obsessive about Froggy Jones, and yeah, maybe you REALLY tick me off like this, that you do.
Why can't you focus on what matters? OG-FPD - it's the only place for women wrestlers to go and not be sold as a sex toy with a pulse.
Dizzy switches to Italian, and thus, is subtitled.
[The best chase the best, and you try to feed off them like a parasite! This interview is over!]
Dizzy storms off... and returns to grab the OG-FPD Joshi Championship belt, before storming off again, as teh scene fades to black.