"A bite to beat"

[OrochiGeese]

*It is 7 pm on a cold Saturday evening. Jean Carter and Luke Kisiera quickly amble from their car to a restaurant that is about half an hour from the Peter Venkman Memorial Arena.  Inside, they are greeted by a warm atmosphere evoking a diner from the 1950's playing music from that era. They stand near the host booth waiting to be seated.*

[Jean:] "Oooh, the trip was worth it! I was wondering why you didn't want to order in on such a cold day."

*Luke has a big grin on his face.*

[Luke:] "And let's just say I've heard the service is great here too."

[Jean:] "Cool!"

*The two begin to notice a particular dialogue occurring between a patron and waitress.*

[Jean:] "Luke, is that...Pot Belly?"

*Sure enough, the loud voice of Ralph "Pot Belly" Ferguson booms through the restaurant as he places his order with a waitress who looks annoyed at him before he even opens his mouth.  Somehow, he already has gravy on his lap.*

[Ralph:] "I'll have the Beef Pollannaise, ma'am."

[Waitress:] "It ain't Thankgiving no more."

[Ralph:] "Fine - gimme a Muddy Mae Suggins with extra mud."

*The waitress, and everyone else, looks disgusted at this request. The waitress admonishes him.*




[Waitress:] "You broke the turlet here last time you ate that."

[Ralph:] "Fine, just gimme tha family special."

[Waitress:] "One 'trough cough' comin' right up."

[Ralph:] "Extra fat on tha loins. It's cold out dere."

[Waitress:] "Sure, but you payin for it...and not just with your health insurance."

*As a few diners actually leave, on account of their appetites being CRITICALLED!, the increasingly busy-seeming waitress slash hostess walks over to Jean and Luke to seat them in a plush semi-circular booth."

[Waitress:] "Welcome, my name is Delores Peppers. What you having toots?"

[Jean:] "Wow, thanks for the compliment! So how is the summer side salad?"

[Delores:] "Fresh for another few weeks and free.coli."

[Jean:] "Um, begging your pardon?"

[Delores:] "Whoops, I mispoke. I meant to say free of it."

[Jean:] "Okay then! I'll have that!"

[Delores:] "That'll be one 'ass of grass' for the lady."

*Jean blushes rather noticeably.*

[Jean:] "Oh my."

[Delores:] "And for you, handsome?"

[Luke:] "A chocolate malted and some of your finest chicken fingers, please."

[Delores:] "One 'heffer pull' and some 'pointer blisters' comin right up."

*The waitress winks at them and then walks to the kitchen. Jean looks nervous and whispers.*

[Jean:] "...did we order those things?"

[Luke:] "Don't worry, Jean.  I've found that sometimes the dialogue choices we make are altered a little when repeated back by others. It keeps some of the mystery in the game...uh, game of life."

[Jean:] "Hey, you're right. Now I want to find out what she calls every menu item!"

[Luke:] "That's what we call replay value."

[Jean:] "We play with you?"

[Luke:] "I meant we should repay the valet outside some extra money since it's snowing now."

[Jean:] "Oh! That's very generous but didn't you park the car?"

[Luke:] "I honestly don't know anymore. Pot Belly's order messed with my head."


*The front doors open a few seconds later. Kurt Sanders and James Ward enter with a commotion. Kurt scans the place and grins with malevolence when he sees Jean and Luke. James and Kurt walk up to them and hover over the booth in a rather menacing looking way. Jean looks uncomfortable. With an utter look of disgust, Luke turns to James Ward.*

[Luke:] "I thought you retired."

[Ward:] "From wrestling not eating, you moron."

*Delores walks by and points to Ward's stomach/*

[Delores:] "That's the truth. He must have gained fifty pounds in the past year."

[Kurt:] "Yeah, thanks doc. Mind if we sit with our bestest friends?"

[Luke:] "I don't see Woodruff or Langford around so maybe you should leave."

[Ward:] "Oh, if only my tongue could produce such quick wit."

[Luke:] "Maybe it would if you stopped waving it around like a feather duster."

[Ward:] "...what in the actual f*ck did you just say?"

*Delores gestures over to Kurt and Ward and loudly scolds them.*

[Delores:] "Watch yer language and quit bothering these two! They actually got class. I gotta a table over here for you two lowlifes. "

*Kurt and James get placed in a booth close to the kitchen. A few minutes later, Kurt starts throwing rolls and packets of butter at Jean and Luke. Delores notices it and starts swatting them away. Kurt gets up to protest this and Delores runs up and hip checks him back into the booth with such force that he actually looks dazed for a few seconds.*

[Delores:] "Last warning, Sanders. I swear to all that's holy I will send your sweet tea-lovin ass right back down south in a to-go box if you start guff in my diner again."

*From the other side of the diner we hear a bellowing roar from Pot Belly.*

Ralph:] "Paipe down oer'there!! Imma tryin' eat laike a gettleman."

*Kurt and James finally settle down and Delores runs over to Pot Belly who has grown so agitated at the antics around him that he actually began to choke.*



*Fortunately, Delores was able to use the Heimlich method to dislodge a particularly greasy blob of food from Ralph's trachea. She places him back down into the booth as he recovers by wolfing down half his drink and going right back at his food again, unnerved by the recent near death encounter.*


[Luke:] "Wow! Delores can really handle her business!"

[Jean:] "Is she the reason we came here?"

[Luke:] "Yeah, I heard about her and this place from some of the crew that work the arena."

[Jean:] "Should I just ask her or, maybe wait until after we eat first?"

[Luke:] "According to Mr. Figaro, it's never wise to negotiate on an empty stomach."

[Jean:] "Yeah but according to Celes, never take Figaro's negotiation advice."

[Luke:] "Touche! But let's see if the food is good here anyway. Even if she doesn't accept, at the very least we can still leave here with another menu."

*They get their food and seem quite pleased with it. When Delores comes back, Jean puts her business card on the bill. Delores seems confused at first but then nods her head with a smile and look of surprise.*

[Delores:] "Well, how bout that? You work for OG-Joshi? We used to get those girls around here all the time. In fact, back in the day, they were our best spenders. Patty Sirloin or Lori Cuozzo would come in and we'd be flush with cash for a week. I checked out that roller derby thing Cuozzo was into, even gave it a try, but it wasn't for me. Still, I do miss taking out some of my frustration in a more physical way.  People around here test me. That 'customer is always right' thing is usually said the loudest by the ones that aren't.  I think you two know who I'm talking about."

[Jean:] "Well you're in luck. I don't just work for OG-Joshi, I own it! And we'd be glad to have you come in for a workout to see if you're interested in joining our roster."

[Delores:] "I'm interested but, if I'm being honest, I'm a little past my prime."

[Luke:] "Anyone that can put Sanders in his place and hoist Ferguson is welcome and able."

[Delores:] "I'll give it some thought. Just for the offer, you two get a free dessert!"

[Luke:] "Score!"

[Jean:] "Thank you so much! Can we choose?"

[Delores:] "We have about fifty pies and cakes in the front window but get anything you want."

*Jean and Luke look into each others eyes and say together*

"BASKED ALASKA!"

[Delores:] "Well, you two certainly keep it interesting, I'll give ya that."

*Delores smiles and goes off to the kitchen as an excited Jean and Luke grab their forks and spoons in anticipation of their favorite dessert. The scene fades as an entire turkey covered in gravy slides away from Pot Belly's table.*