"ASFS" - August

[OrochiGeese]

"After School Fun Special" Tour

Event: ASFS - August

Date Held: Saturday, August 13, 2022.

Date Posted: Sunday, November 6, 2022. (whoops!)

Location: The Amplitheater at the Peter Venkman Memorial Arena, NY.


*The show starts inside of a studio set designed like a beach and adorned with OG-Joshi and EMERGE beach umbrellas. Joining us is "Coach" Jean Carter. She is sitting in a lifeguard chair wearing an oversized "Life's a Beach" shirt. After a few seconds of quiet reflection sipping a soda, she points forward into an imaginary ocean and blows the whistle around her neck.*

[Jean:] "No tomfoolery! Stop playing ring toss with those narwhals!"

*Jean nods her head and smiles with a "those darn kids" expression and looks to the camera.*

[Jean:] "Oh hi! I almost didn't see you from this...suddenly frightening altitude."

*The chair shifts and Jean looks uncomfortable so she quickly hops down.*

[Jean:] "Thank you for joining us on the first stop of the 'After School Fun Special' tour. The purpose of this tour is to have fun, practice active learning, present our new EMERGE roster, and bring back some OG-Joshi legends too. You know the saying - 'make new friends but keep the old. One is silver and the other is -"

*Suddenly Jasper Woodruff runs past the set wearing a bathing suit and sporting a huge amount of zinc oxide on his face.*

[Jasper:] "GOLD!"

*Jasper leaves just as quickly as he came. Jean is unfazed.*

[Jean:] "Exactly. Tonight we will have three matches. The first two are part of the "EMERGE showcase" tournament. And the third features the Hellions defending their OG-Joshi Tag Championship against the Arctic Angels team of Theresa Tanaka and Xouxou Chen. We'll be joining the first match soon which was recorded in front of a live studio audience back in August.  (Whoops so sorry for the 3 month delay in posting it!)   It was so great to have our fans back in the arena!

Right now we're joined by the Sensei of the OG-JoDojo, Haley Cannon!! Since she is the head trainer of the Emerge roster, she will be giving insight about their progress going into each match of this tour. Hang ten, Haley!"

*Although the audience may be expecting a surfing motif, Haley is quietly sitting on a normal chair and wearing her workout clothes.*

[Haley:] "Thank you, Jean. Although this...*gestures to the set around her* 'motif' isn't usually quite my style, I must confess to enjoying it right now. Your enthusiasm and earnestness truly elevate this promotion."

[Jean:] "Thanks!! I enjoyed 'Ernest Goes to Camp" the most. So, would you like to deliver your commentary on top of an inflatable pool raft?"

[Haley:] "That's a novel question I had not quite anticipated."

[Jean:] "Let's see all the options."

*Someone off camera (presumably Luke) hands Jean a giant bag of inflatables as Haley looks on mildly nervous.*

[Jean:] "We have an orange squid, a blue cinammon bun, a purple space potato on loan from L.A.W.L., and what appears to be Ralph Ferguson's hemmoroid pillow."

[Haley:] "I must politely decline...but I appreciate the gesture and options."

*Jean smiles back at her and Haley nods.*

[Haley:] "So, in our first match, Aria Holt faces Flame Valentine. I would rather leave the seasonal wordplay to you but I do believe this match will be a hot start to the tour."

*Jean takes out a notepad and excitedly writes something down.*

[Jean:] "Wow, what a scoop!"

[Haley:] "That's right, you started as a reporter, didn't you?"

[Jean:] "Once a journalist, always a journalist."

[Haley:] "So you have done your own research on both competitors, then?"

[Jean:] "Aria is a proud, brash, charismatic brawler with medieval moxy! Flame Valentine is a high noon facing, bar room clearing, lone star wearing, high desert bruiser!"

[Haley:] "Those colorful descriptions are also quite accurate."

[Jean:] "Thanks!! So who do you think has the edge here?"

[Haley:] "Neither one. We seeded this tournament to give us the most competitive pairings and I truly believe that it is impossible to pick a winner for any of these matches. What I can speak to though are each girl's advantages.

Aria is frequently underestimated because people just see her as a brawler. In reality, she has mastered a variety of styles and can confidently finish with submissions. She can fight with the best of them but she keeps her cool. Holt has more wrestling experience than anyone in this tournament or EMERGE roster but she constantly seeks new competition.

Flame is one of the two strongest girls in this tournament, along with Hanako. She is also gifted with great speed given her strength and height. Time will tell whether her volatile emotional state will turn to a positive motivating force or a liability. But one thing I did notice in training is that she does not seem to hold grudges, no matter how physical her fights get. She would invite her opponent to a saloon after the match: win or lose."

[Jean:] "Wow! That's why you're the Sensei of the OG-JoDojo!"

[Haley:] "I'm looking forward to watching this match unfold."

[Jean:] "Thank you! Let's get to it!"


*The camera feed switches to the inside of the Amplitheater where Aria and Flame are finishing their warm-up stretches. Azumi Oonishi is the referee here and for all EMERGE roster matches.*


Match 1: Aria Holt vs. Flame Valentine

The Amplitheater got to witness the first hossette fight in years as Aria Holt and Flame Valentine fought tooth and nail. Literally. We're pretty sure Aria punched out one of Flame's teeth and Flame kicked out one of Aria's.  Wrestling promotions: pay for dental insurance or risk some C- smiles when kids ask for signed photographs! 

There were too many strikes to keep track of in a brawling match that neither competitor was able to dominate for longer than a minute. However, as the match progressed, Flame got impatient and started transitioning from fierce blows to illegal tactics. A rake of the eyes allowed Flame to drop Aria then attack her with a "Blisterin Boot".





As strong as this kick was, it only yielded a 2 count and a very angry Aria.  She took back the advantage with a quick punch after they both got up and then almost split Flame's head open with a devastating headbutt!





It is an absolute testament to Flame's toughness (and cranium density) that she was able to kick out.  It seemed like the effects of the headbutt were felt by Aria too.  It took them both some time to get their wits about them. Once again, Flame took a shortcut and distracted the referee so she could hit Aria with a low blow. She then connected with a huge chokeslam into a snap powerbomb.  I believe she calls this the "Sarsaparilla Slam" but I may have just totally made that up. 






Aria showed the same ability to absorb punishment as Flame did before.  Shocking her opponent, Aria kicked out of the pin and got up on her own.  Flame appeared equal parts angry and nervous that her opponent withstood her best attack and then went to the well one too many times. Aria anticipated another eye rake and immediately spun her around.  Grabbing her in a cobra clutch that looked as bad as any snake Flame may have encountered in the desert, Aria tapped Flame out.





Aria (O) ["Codi Llaw" - 11:50] (X) Flame Valentine


*We go back to the studio where Jean is facing the camera with a serious expression.*

[Jean:] "One of my goals for this 'After School' tour was to talk about important issues facing our youth. Today I wanted to talk about the dangers of peer pressure. Joining me are the "Playa Players." 'Playa' means 'beach' in Spanish so you're already learning from watching this! Let's enjoy this life lesson."

---

*The camera redirects us a few feet away where Luke Kisiera is wearing a baseball uniform and is standing next to ... Mr. Clyde who is also wearing a baseball uniform (including a hat) on top of his customary ninja outfit."

[Luke:] "Hi fellow youngster. Are you enjoying our game today?"

*Jean's voice is heard off screen saying: "More acting!"  As a result, Luke uses a louder voice*

[Luke:] "Ahem, hi fellow youngster! How are you enjoying our game today?"

[Mr. Clyde:] "Um...hello. Yes, this certainly has been a baseball game."

[Luke:] "Some of our friends are going to the malt shop after the game. Do you want to join us?"

[Mr. Clyde:] "Thank you, but I'm afraid I can't. I must sharpen my swords today."

*Jean shouts "freeze" and the two teammates stop moving. Mr. Clyde does a considerably better job at this as Luke struggles not to fidget.*

[Jean:] "Okay, great job so far!  Now we're going to hear the wrong answer to Mr. Clyde's response."

[Luke:] "Sword sharpening? Come on, Clyde. That's for uncool cats and you gotta go with the group. Do as we do, live as we live. Be one of us forever."

[Jean:] "FREEZE! First off, there are no uncool cats. I wrote that line for Luke to illustrate a point but it was still upsetting to hear it."

[Luke:] "Does that mean my acting was convincing?"

[Jean:] "True! Points for authenticity! But the bigger story here is that sometimes people need their space and true friends give it to them. Plus, it's never good to procrastinate your responsibilities. If Mr. Clyde says he needs to stay home to sharpen his swords all night, then his friend should applaud his industrious spirit."

*Off camera we hear Robin Walker laughing uproariously.*

[Robin:] "Yeah, yanno, I bet Mr. Figaro would applaud his 'sword sharpening' spirit."

[Jean:] "Ahem, let's hear the right answer now."

[Mr. Clyde:] "Thank you, but I'm afraid I can't. I must sharpen my swords today."

[Luke:] "Wow, I applaud your industrious spirit. Best of luck, chum! I'll bring a root beer float to your house later so you can enjoy the rewards of hard work."

[Mr. Clyde:] "Actually, I'm lactose intolerant."

*Robin's laughter is heard once again in the background as Jean struggles to keep a straight face.*


[Jean:] "And there you have a successful interaction free of peer pressure. Thanks, guys!"

[Mr. Clyde:] "You are welcome, but I actually have to go sharpen my swords now."

*Clyde throws a smoke bomb and disappears.*

[Robin:] "And they say method acting is dead."

---

*The camera swivels over to Haley who is clearing her throat: both from the smoke bomb and also to get Jean's attention.*

[Haley:] "Uh, Jean, can we maybe get to the next match?"

[Jean:] "Darn tootin!"

[Haley:] "For our second match of the eventing, Yasuna Shimizu will be facing Cassandra Carter."


*We return to the Amplitheater to find Cassandra Carter lounging while balancing herself on the top turnbuckle and ropes. She looks quite pleased with herself actually while she observers her opponent working up some kind of sweat! Yazuna Shimizu is running around the ring making choo choo sounds!*


Match 2: Yasuna Shimizu vs. Cassandra Carter

Don't let her demeanor fool you: Yasuna is all business, as Cassandra found out. Within ten seconds, Yasuna managed to roll up Carter in three separate pin attempts. Not to be outdone, Cassandra then applied the same maneuvers but did so with perfect technical execution which earned her half a count more on each pin attempt. Cassandra got up, dusted off her outfit, and smirked at Yasuna. This set the stage for a highly competitive "whatever you can do, I can do better" display by Carter and a "Whatever you can do, I can do quicker" by Yasuna! The fans absolutely loved OG-Joshi's new "little locomotive" but couldn't help but be impressed by the woman who calls herself the "Obsidian Goddess." With a name like that, it's clear Cassandra has a high opinion of herself. And by the time she left the arena, it was shared by many others.

Unlike our first match, this one had more semblance of momentum which Cassandra largely controlled. However, Yasuna's energy remained high. Even when her body was controlled by Cassandra's submission holds and precision slams, Yasuna always managed to find a way to rally.  She found openings for quick strikes which she followed with running dives and pins. Cassandra appeared to use all of her energy to contain Yasuna. That is why no one was surprised when Yasuna dropped Cassandra with a quick shotei and hit a lightning fast double-leg dropkick from the corner!





However, Yasuna may have waited too long after her celebration.  The pin attempt was not successful and Cassandra resumed her work targeting Yasuna's neck.  This was punctuated by a leg-assisted final cut for a 2.9 count.





Yasuna rallied back, as she is wont to do.  Despite Cassandra having the edge in technical ability, Yasuna was clearly at her best when she combined her superior speed with precise timing.  This was on display when she debuted a move that appeared similar to Bruce Lee's "1 inch punch."  Yasuna thrust her body forward into a powerful shoulder smash which sent Cassandra careening backward.  I believe Yasuna calls that move the "Bullet Train."  She earned her own 2.9 count on this but some swear it was a 3: just not the referee.  And that's not just because Miss Azumi Oonishi never swears.





Shocked that she didn't get the pin, Yasuna re-engaged Cassandra. It seemed like she didn't have a definitive plan though and Cassandra was one-step ahead of her.  After a quick irish whip, Cassandra laid her out with a vicious angled spike spine buster.  While that move could have won the match at this point, Carter wanted to guarantee her advantage.  And that she did with a blistering running axe kick to the back of the head.  The pinfall was academic.





Yasuna Shimizu (X) [Obsidian Axe - 12:05] (O) Cassandra Carter


*We go back to the studio where Jean is still talking to Haley.*

[Jean:] "Wow, another incredible match tonight from the EMERGE roster. I'd like to give a big thank you to Haley Cannon for her incredible work with these girls. They are improving with leaps and bounds!"

[Haley:] "It is my pleasure, and honor, that you chose me for the role of Sensei. I am truly enjoying my role in shaping the future of OG-Joshi through this program.  I look forward to returning on the next show."

*Haley shakes Jean's hand and gives a warm smile before taking her leave.*


[Jean:] "And now it's time for an absolute miracle. Long time fans of OG-Joshi are probably going to be shocked.

We bring to you the glorious resurgence and retooling of Orochi-O's Land...discussion.

Oh wait, you thought I meant the land itself? Noo-ho-ho-hooo. That place remains a litigation disaster. But since these clips are only intended for entertainment and not advertisement, this is all legal.  I repeat - the following is not intended as an advertisement for the abandoned, vacant, hazardous lot once known as 'Orochi-O's Land.'.

---

*The camera turns to reveal another set. This time we see two kids sitting at a simulated kitchen table eating simulated bowls of Orochi-O's (minus the actual jagged metal O's 'prizes'). No, wait, those aren't kids. They are actually UBL's Grant Thumb and Kyle Walker who are both short enough to make this work. Kyle is wearing a beanie for comedic effect and to cover up his prematurely stress-induced grey hair which would hurt the immersion and really bum people out.*

[Grant:] "I'm booored."

[Kyle:] "Me too. We can't do anything fun this summer."

*Suddenly, Robin Walker saunters onto the scene wearing a business suit.*

[Robin:] "Hi kids!"

[Both:] "Wow, hi Miss Walker!"

[Robin:] "Do you both remember the fun that you all had at Orochi-O's Land before the undisclosed legal incidents?"

[Both:] "We had the time of our young lives promising not to sue!"

[Robin:] "How would you like to continue not to sue and hear what Orochi-O's Land would look like today in a purely speculative exercise with no active follow through planned?"

[Both:] "Yeah! Um, what you said. But with prizes!"

[Robin:] "I have been thinking about how some classic attractions could be updated to match my new found *coughs* maturity."

[Both:] "Sounds boring."

*Jean pokes her head in*

[Jean:] "A historical deep dive to gently nudge a character arc is never boring, kids. If done correctly, it can bring tears to the eyes of long term fans looking to juggle nostalgia with progress."

*Jean pokes her head out and does the hokey-pokey back to her seat*

[Robin:] "Now, if you remember, one of the best rides in Orochi-O's Land was called "It's a silly and small World Title Tour." That was dedicated to then-World Champion, Haley Cannon. It was an indoor boat ride that simulated her defending her OG-Joshi Title around the world. At that time, the characters on the ride were portrayed as malnourished, inexperienced, rural yokels from Europe. I see now, with the benefit of reflection and maturity, that the ride was mean-spirited and wrong. Haley Cannon deserves a lot more credit than I ever gave her. I'd keep the character related to 'Monique Lachouffe' though. The world learned that it should never forget to get all coughs checked out.

But given all that Haley contributed to OG-Joshi as World Champion and Sensei of the OG-JoDojo, I'm retroactively and respectfully renaming the ride in her honor to "Cannon Ball Falls."

[Grant:] "That's...weird? We. would toss cannon balls off a log flume ride?"

[Robin:] "No, would you toss them off a horse?"

[Grant:] "Heck, no."

[Robin:] "Good. The experience would reflect how your limbs feel after she targets them. So respect the ride and respect Haley Cannon: one of the pillars of OG-Joshi history and the force responsible for the next generation of greatness. Thank you and I'll see you all next show with another imaginary renovation."

[Grant:] "Do we have to just wait here until then?"

[Robin:] "You do, for saying that. Let's go, Kyle."

*Kyle knocks the cereal on the floor and leaves with Robin.*

---

[Jean:] "Kyle's outburst aside, and I blame that overly sugary fake cereal, that was a beautiful segment. While I know that we could never legally return to or promote the OSHA-condemned wasteland known as Orochi-O's Land, it's clearly the thought that counts. If Celes could see your progress, Robin, she'd be touched."

*Jean legitimately starts to tear up and the camera pans to away to give her a second. However, it pans right to Keina."

[Keina:] "HI! I'm HERE NOW, JEAN!"

*Jean shouts "whoops!" and quickly gathers herself.*

[Jean:] "Since we had Haley doing commentary for our EMERGE matches, I wanted to have someone else from the roster discuss our tag matches. So I'll be bringing in special guests for this Tour. The first one is Keina of the famous KENTA ARMY!"

[Keina:] "NOT AS FAMOUS AS KENTA HIMSELF!"

[Jean:] "Noted. So you used to know Hae-Won and Sako quite well. They were known as Shino and Hiromi when you were a group, along with Tigress Mask II who was then known as Naomi. Although things ended sadly for KENTA Army, they all excelled in their own ways after that. So inquiring minds want to know: what are your thoughts on the Hellions now?"

[Keina:] "THEY WERE MEAN BUT NOT ANYMORE. THEY FOUND FAMILY AND FUN SO I'M HAPPY FOR THEM!"

[Jean:] "Wow, a lot of emotional journeys tonight in OG-Joshi. And you're right, they did find and help make a family in Matsuki Holdings. While that doesn't excuse their actions against you and Naomi in the past, it's good to see that you have let go of any pain you felt and are able to appreciate the people they are now."

[Keina:] "YES! THAT!"

[Jean:] "So, do you plan on returning to the active roster?"

[Keina:] "I TRAIN AND I HOPE! I JUMP ALL THE ROPE!"

[Jean:] "Poetic! What are your thoughts on our next tag match? You faced the Hellions before they became Champions and I believe you've had some experience against Theresa Tanaka and Xouxou Chen. If you had to pick a winner-"

[Keina:] "KENTA!"

[Jean:] "Errr...if you had to pick a winner in this match."

[Keina:] "HELLIONS!"

[Jean:] "Any reason why?"

[Keina:] "DEEP INSIDE THEIR HEARTS THEY STILL HAVE LOVE FOR KENTA SO I SUPPORT!"

[Jean:] "The truth doesn't always have to be hard to see, people. Thank you Keina for your spirited commentary and we wish you luck getting back in the ring!"

[Keina:] "THANK YOU JEAN! YOU ALWAYS BELIEVED IN ME AND NOMI!"

*Keina quickly hugs Jean and runs away to resume training.*

[Jean:] "Let's get to the main event! The Hellions are about to put their OG-Joshi World Championship against the team of Theresa Tanaka and Xouxou Chen. Both teams bring a mix of nostalgia for the OG-Joshi of old and a current threat level of 'considerable'.

The last time we saw the Hellions was at Continuum III where they outlasted the makeshift team of Kathy Queen and Robin Walker. Hae-Won even earned a huge victory against Robin to end that match.  The Hellions held onto their Championships during their time in L.A.W.L. and came back to OG-Joshi with momentum. They believe that they aren't just the 'female' counterparts of Matsuki Holdings but are actually an even better team than 'Sun and Moon' ever were. That is a bold claim and they intend to go through every team on the roster to prove it.

Theresa Tanaka and Xouxou believe they match up well against the Champions and can uncrown them. Xouxou Chen is one of the few wrestlers on our roster who can claim to have as much, if not more, experience with mixed martial arts strikes, throws, and holds than Hae-Won. And Theresa Tanaka's agility and technical ability is able to keep the powerful Sako Dasumi off balance. This should be a wonderful match that I'm excited to have as the main event!"

*We return to the Amplitheater to witness both teams staring each other down!  Hae-Won and Sako are holding their Tag Titles high but Theresa and Xouxou do not look intimidated in the slightest.  Kellie Boone is the referee for the match.*


OG-Joshi Tag Championship





Match 3: Arctic Angels vs. Hellions (c)

Theresa Tanaka/Xouxou Chen vs. Hae-Won/Sako Dasumi


We have the speed of Theresa, the submission and judo prowess of both Xouxou and Hae-Won, and the power of Sako.  We also have four of the most competitive women in the history of the OG-Joshi Tag division.  As a result, this match was incredibly hard fought with no quarter given by either team.   Xouxou and Hae-Won were at each other's throats trying to prove supremacy of their shared skills, Theresa flew around the ring, and Sako brought immense power and newfound aggression to the table.  The result was a match you really had to catch in person to get the full effect.

But hey - let's sneak a peak at some of the fun! 

Xouxou showcased her skills as a judoka with a scary reverse neck drop into a dragon sleeper.   Despite it being early enough that Sako was still too fresh to tap, this combination popped the fans big.  Hae-Won showed great confidence in her partner and her stoic expression revealed no concern, but Xouxou got her point across.





And that point was countered later by Hae-Won. After a vicious knee combination,  Hae's strong thighs swallowed Xouxou up with a triangle choke that had all the trappings of black hole.  It was actually Hae-Won who let up this hold as she wanted to prove a point.  That point was apparently - I enjoy squeezing the life out of you, let's do it again soon.




As this match evolved, it turned into a battle of platons. How many platons are in a kilometer? That's anyone's guess. But we can say for sure that the Tag Team Champions have not lost a beat in their shared rhythm.   With Sako performing the lift for one of her signature back drops, Hae-Won executed the move that "Better Gnomes and Gardens" named "most likely to be performed in an OG-FPD affiliated ring" - the oosotogari buster. It only got a 2.9 but it slowed Theresa down.





You never know where good pro wrestling commentary will come from these days so keep an open mind.  Those folks at "Better Gnomes and Gardens" really know our game.  Here is Theresa executing her own variation of an oosotogari buster with Xouxou assisting with a lightning quick trip.  Sweep the leg, Xouxou!  






If anyone underestimates the threat of Theresa Tanaka, she will prove it with her dynamic approach to matches. Although she missed on the flying kick to Hae-Won, she played possum only to hit a squirrel. "WTF" you ask? (I assume you meant "what the fur" to keep this family friendly.)  Well, Theresa played possum, pretending to be hurt enough to walk back to her corner. Hae-Won thought she had the advantage only for Theresa to hit her "Flying Squirrel" finisher!!  Although it only got a 2.9 account, she proved how unpredictable and opportunistic she could be. 





In the end, it was Sako Dasumi who showcased her increased strength and new aggression. She absolutely flattened Theresa with her new finisher: Sakocide. This earned the victory for the Hellions to retain their Championship!





Xouxou Chen/Theresa Tanaka (X) ["Sakocide" - 20:50] (O) Sako Dasumi/Hae-Won


*We go back to the studio where Jean is smiling.*

[Jean:] "What a great match and end to our show. We had a lot of fun and learned a lot today. I was told that an upbeat ending song wouldn't be received well by today's cynical youth but let's give it a try anyway."

*A guitar strums off screen to the tune of "Row, Row, Row, Your Boat.*

[Jean:] "Jo, Jo, Jo-shi Show,
Special after school!
Warily, Warily, Warily, Warily,
Making learning cool!"

[Jean:] "Thanks to everyone for making this dream happen! The first OG-Joshi show in years is now officially in the history books. We'll see you again in September the neareth future as can be!"