Cryophotogenic

[OrochiGeese]

OG-JoshiFan.net Forums

Sub-Forum: "Rassle newz u can uze"

Thread Topic: "I know what UBBLE did last summer"

Author: "619420316forelyfe2K"

[619420316forelyfe2K:] "Sup, I'm back after the ban. I learned my lesson - no more fantasy re-booking the Steph/Test wedding. So my friend's uncle (the first one to play Zelda 2 on Nintendo) has a friend who works for a custodian in NYC. Guy has access to security tapes in the buildings he works in & stumbled upon this one from April 23rd, 2017. It TOTALLY explains why we haven't heard anything from UBL or OG-Joshi or LAWL for a year. I got a copy of the tape & uploaded it."


(Hyper-link inserted here to a utoob video of a security tape)


*We see three people wearing business suits sitting in a conference room: Arthur Wingate, Drake Yoshida, and Ruby Moreno. Arthur and Drake are sitting next to each other and Ruby is seated across the table. She has a cold expression and is constantly checking her phone between hostile glances at the other two.*

[Arthur:] "I don't know what this is about either but at least pay us the respect of being mentally present."

[Ruby:] "Earn it. You can start by telling me what this is all about."

[Arthur:] "As I said on the phone, I don't know. We were contacted by someone claiming to work for the U.S. government. I suspect this is in relation to the INTERPOL case which is why they asked for you too."

*Ruby crosses her arms and sighs with a bemused expression.*

[Ruby:] "I had nothing to do with that."

[Drake:] "You can finally earn our respect by cutting out the lies."

[Ruby:] "Meh, I rather like watching you scramble to disprove them."

*Drake starts to stand up from his chair right as there is a knock on the door.*

[Arthur:] "Come in."

*The door opens and Arthur stands up while patting Drake on the back, calming him down. A short man enters the room wearing an expensive suit and holding a silver Halliburton briefcase locked to his wrist with handcuffs. He walks over to Arthur and Drake and quickly shakes their hands. Drake wipes his hand on the back of his suit afterward on account of the man's clammy hands. The man walks over to Ruby but she doesn't stand up or make eye contact."

[Ruby:] "Present your credentials."

*The man takes off a lanyard that he has around his neck and passes the attached security card to Ruby. She scans the card into her phone, waits a few minutes, and then hears a 'ding' text sound.  Upon viewing the message, her eyes open widely and her tone changes to one far more respectful.*

[Ruby:] "My apologies, I did not believe you were for real. You have my attention."

[Man:] "You may all sit down."

*Arthur, Drake, and Ruby take their seats as the man remains standing. He opens his briefcase, takes out a USB stick, and inserts it into the computer while turning on the overhead projector. The other three are patient.*

[Man:] "My name is Devin Kunn and I work for the Department of International Commerce.  A year ago I was chosen to head a task force called the Council of American Wrestling Standards or, 'C.A.W.S.' 

Our mission is to establish standards for all sports-entertai-"

[Drake:] "Do you mean professional wrestling?"

[Devin:] "I most certainly do not. That is a quaint term, a relic of Americana best left in the past.  However, sports entertainment is a term that recognizes the business that you are in, as well as our jurisdiction over you."

[Arthur:] "You are aware that I am a citizen of Great Britain and that the Universal Battle League is incorporated there?"

[Devin:] "Aware but disinterested. Over the past year, have you held one event or more within U.S. territory?"

[Arthur:] "Yes."

[Devin:] "Were those events broadcast over the internet to other countries?

[Arthur:] "Yes."

[Devin:] "Previously, when present in England, did you broadcast your shows to the U.S.?"

[Arthur:] "Yes."

[Devin:] "Then you are under our jurisdiction. You as well, Miss Moreno."

[Ruby:] "Not disputed. All our shows take place in California."

[Devin:] "Then I will continue. The purpose of our task force is to increase your profit yield, so as to boost the economy and increase the amount of tax revenue that the government receives. Over the past year we have conducted research that suggests your creative direction, separate and integrated, requires some modernization."

[Drake:] "The government is telling us that our product is insufficient? What gives you the right?"

[Devin:] "The real question you should be asking is what gives you the right to object? Have you not noticed how quiet your usually rambunctious cohort is right now? When have you known Miss Moreno to listen to a request, let alone an order?"

*Ruby is silent but paying acute attention to Devin. Arthur sits forward in his chair*

[Arthur:] "Are you implying that if we do not adopt your recommendations, that we would be unable to do business in the country or in our own country broadcast to yours?"

[Devin:] "Expressly stating that. Play ball or leave the stadium."

[Arthur:] "I do not-"

[Ruby:] "Arthur, he has the authority. I don't want this any more than you. But he can do this...for now."

*Arthur slumps back into his chair.*

[Devin:] "I won't be wielding this authority as part of your product. Our studies have shown that wrestling fans have grown very weary with the idea of 'evil' authority figures.  Furthermore, I will also not be micromanaging you as I have other promotions that I need to talk to. Your respective promotions do not comprise the entire world of sports entertainment but they wield enough influence that you three are among the first owners I am talking to."

[Ruby:] "What are your recommendations?"

[Devin:] "Let's get to it-"

*Devin turns on Power Point and goes to Slide 1 entitled "Whattamaneuver"

[Devin:] "Sports entertainment relies on performers utilizing varied moves with room for innovation. Unfortunately, we have not seen anyone in your companies learning any new moves since 2005: 2007 as broadcast to the U.S."

[Drake:] "You want to stipulate the actual moves that wrestlers do?"

[Devin:] "I plan to regulate the product that your staff is promoting to ensure growth."

[Ruby:] "Examples?"

[Devin:] "The Kinshasa."

[Ruby:] "Kin-what?"

[Devin:] "The Kinshasa - it's to wrestling now as the Shining Wizard was about 15-20 years ago."

[Drake:] "Meaning that the fans want to see 4 of them per match?"

[Devin:] "5, and from different positions. The next move is the Rainmaker."

[Arthur:] "Isn't that someone who brings in business to a company?"

*Devin's eyes light up*

[Devin:] "Exactly. I want UBL to be a Rainmaker for the sports entertainment industry of this great country."

[Arthur:] "I resent being used and controlled, whether it adds to our bottom line or not."

[Devin:] "Get used to it. I will provide you with a list of 50-100 new moves the fans want to see."

[Ruby:] "Time frame? It is not unreasonable to ask our workers to slowly integrate them."

[Devin:] "Reasonable or not, it's the plan forward. They will have plenty of time to integrate them because learning these new moves, and the ways to receive them, will be their full time jobs for the next year."

*Arthur, Drake, and Ruby all look shocked.*

[Devin:] "Correct, all of your products are now on hold, a complete moratorium, until your workers achieve a proficiency in these moves that the Council is satisfied with. There is one more demand which is not up for discussion..."

*Arthur, Drake, and Ruby look even more concerned.*

[Devin:] "Shinier outfits with no gradients."

*Arthur stands up and punches a hole through the wall.*

[Devin:] "I will give you time to digest this but my office will be in touch. If you are all lucky, your companies will be back in business by next Spring. You can continue your Championship tournament and rivalry then."

*Devin walks out of the room with his briefcase and a smirk on his face. Drake walks over to Arthur to attend to his now bloodied hand. Ruby Moreno dejectedly begins texting on her phone. The security footage ends.*


(Back to the message board post)


[619420316forelyfe2K:] "Seeeeeee!? We haven't heard anything from UBL or Destiny or anyone since then. I'm telling you guys, this is legit. But holy shit - we're getting Kinshasas and pleather outfits!! It's all worth it!

I'm out. Hit me up below.

- 619420316forelyfe2K
Gamertag: 420619316BullitRyeClub
Steam name: F@keIndyReviewBoi
Quote" "The R Truth is out there."