Amplitude - March 25th, 2007

[OrochiGeese]

Debut Edition - Sunday, March 25th, 2007



*Amplitude opens up in a small room similar to an OG-Joshi
interview room but slightly bigger. On the back wall there are
two OG-Joshi banners. In between them is a flat screen TV, around
40 inches, that is currently cycling through clips of OG-Joshi
matches, at a very quick and frantic pace (to keep the attention
of the younger audience...quick cuts = ratings, apparently!)

*After a few seconds of watching the video screen, we hear
someone walking onto the set and, sure enough, it's one half of
the Voltage announcer team and member of Orochi army, Mr. Figaro*


Mr. Figaro: "Hi fans and welcome to the first ever Amplitude!
Once I heard that Patty Sirloin was making her
return, I begg..asked General Celes if I could be the
new host of Amplitude and she said.."We'll see!"
That means "DEFINITELY" for all you keeping track
at home, so just consider me your new host!"


*A stern female voice from off screen says "I said we'll SEE"

*Mr. Figaro gulps, shrugs his shoulders, and carries on*


Mr. Figaro: "Since this is the first Amplitude, we wanted to
give you an idea of what is taking place! We have
four matches that we have already taped in front
of a live audience of your peers! That means that
if they like the matches, YOU HAVE TO ALSO!!"

Mr. Figaro: "We're gonna take you to each match and if you're
good, then I'll even talk about them a little! But
since my partner in crime, Mr. Clyde, isn't here,
no one will be able to control or limit what I say"


*The female voice chimes in with an even more stern tone: "I will"*


Mr. Figaro: "Is this studio haunted? Cause I hear voices!"


*"Get to the match already, Figaro!!"


Mr. Figaro: "I think now is a good time to get to our first
match of the evening. As Patty Sirloin makes
her voluptuous return to the OG-Joshi ring
to take on noted anti-beef activist, Lisa
'vegan-breath" Robinson.' I don't know what
Lisa has against beef but I'm sure Patty and
I could team up to make Lisa crave it..."


*At that point, General Celes storms on camera, grabs
Mr. Figaro by the ear, and walks him off the stage. Some
bickering is heard for a few moments until we see General
Celes come back on stage with a stressed look on her face.*


Celes: "The Figaro experiment is clearly not working,
so I will have to be your host tonight. Since
Amplitude is so new, we have been looking for
a suitable host. Figaro's audition unfortunately
went as I expected, so I will fill in for now.
We hope to have a new host by the next show."


*We hear Figaro protesting off camera until Celes gives him
a serious look and he quiets down. Celes then turns her attention
to the video screen as we see Patty Sirloin and Lisa in the ring.*

Celes: "It is now time to get to our first match."


The scene switches to the arena as the ring announcers
introduce Patty Sirloin and Lisa Robinson. Time for ACTION!*

...


(Ho hum...time for everyone to load up the video mat...
oh sh*t...no video match! I'm supposed to do a write-up for
this new show?! A write-up?! I haven't done one of THOSE since
2004! Well, I better come up with something quick! Besides
just speaking in soliloquoy's! Cue the match narrator!)



Match 1: Lisa Robinson vs. Patty Sirloin


Lisa circles around the proud-looking Patty Sirloin, looking
for an opening as Patty invites her to take a swing. Lisa
starts peppering Sirloin (uh...bad choice of words) with
punches but they are all shaken off. Lisa, upset with
Patty's arrogance, shoves her, only to get shoved back even
further herself. Lisa runs the ropes and tries to shoulderblock
Patty but Patty is not moved. Lisa runs the ropes again,
and this time Patty leans in a bit, sending Lisa down this time.
Patty grabs her by the face with an iron claw, but Lisa hits
a low blow! Patty grimaces as the crowd gives a collective "oooh!"

Lisa runs the ropes AGAIN but Patty quickly recovers and grabs
Lisa on the rebound with a powerslam! The air is taken out of
Lisa and Patty begins smiling. She picks Lisa up...HUGE
lariat! Lisa goes down hard and Patty flexes her biceps to
the disdain of the crowd! "BOO," they say, "BOO!"

Patty picks up Lisa and begins running the ropes but Lisa ducks
to the mat and Patty jumps over her...rebounds off the opposite
ropes and gets taken down with a drop toe hold. Lisa mounts
Patty and starts elbowing the back of her head but Patty
then begins doing PUSH-UPS to Lisa's chagrin and amazement!
Patty then gets off the floor as Lisa clings to her back
and neck...and then runs backwards into the turnbuckles,
crushing Lisa! As Lisa wobbles out from the corner, Patty
again begins running the ropes and winds up for...
POLISH SAUSAGE HAMMER!! Lisa is down! Patty once again
flexes her bicep and this time starts moving her hands
down her body while she blows the crowd a kiss. Numerous
audience members start gagging on their expensive arena food!

Patty goes to pick up Lisa but Lisa kicks out one of Patty's
legs. Lisa picks Patty up but is quickly shoved as Patty
regains her balance and then smashes the side of Lisa's
face with a brutal uraken! Lisa goes down hard as Patty
starts stomping on her face! Patty goes to iron claw Lisa
again as Lisa tries to stand and fight it off. But standing
up was the worst thing she could do as Patty now gets the
leverage she needed to hit her Iron Claw Slam!! Patty
covers, Lisa is out! 1..2...3!! Patty Sirloin wins! And
proceeds to celebrate by dancing for the fans and teasing
that she is going to flash them...which thankfully she does not!



*We go back to the studio where General Celes looks relieved.*


Celes: "After seeing that match, it's best that
Mr. Figaro was removed from his position
already. As he no doubt would have gotten
himself in even more trouble by now."

Celes: "But a decisive win for Patty Sirloin on her
return. Patty is one of the strongest women
in OG-Joshi and if she continues to be
as motivated as we saw tonight, she is
sure to be quite successful here."

Celes: "Our next match is between the Reed Sisters
and two members of KENTA! Army: Keina and
Hiromi. Naomi was originally scheduled to
be here but was too worn down after her
grueling match with Eris Byrne at last
weekend's Voltage. So Keina agreed to fill
in for her. This substitution will likely
help KENTA! Army here as we saw how close
Keina got to beating Holly. Meanwhile,
this is the first we are seeing of the
Reed Sisters since their impressive run
during the OG-Joshi Tag Title Tournament.
They had beaten Keina and Naomi there but
lost to Kaori NiGHT and Jenny McLanahan.
Let's see which of these two teams tonight
can build some momentum to advance in the
highly competitive tag division."


*We go to the arena again and the Reed Sisters are
already in the ring. KENTA! Army just made their intro
and are dancing around the arena floor, signing autographs
and trying not to get fondled inappropriately. Finally,
the referee for the match (Guybrush) gathers them up
and brings them into the ring. The two teams shake hands,
and go to their respective corners for the introductions.*


Match 2: KENTA! Army (Hiromi/Keina) vs. Reed Sisters (Melody/Harmony)


Melody starts out with Keina as the two begin chain wrestling.
Melody gets the advantage with a side headlock that Keina is
not able to break, leading to a 2 count, until Keina rolls
over leading to Melody being counted down for 2 on her shoulders.
Melody flips backwards and then they begin another sequence.
This time, Melody manages to trip Keina from behind and put
her in an STF, prompting Hiromi to come in and break it up
in a somewhat excitable way, yielding a look of annoyed
confusion on Melody's face. Keina apologizes for Hiromi,
which yields even more confusion for Melody...prompting her
to tag in Harmony. Harmony and Keina then begin a striking
exchange, which Harmony gets the better of after a few nice
flipping dropkicks. Keina tags in to Hiromi who tries to
overpower Harmony. But Harmony uses Hiromi's own power
against her with post-move counters like armdrags after
a bodyslam and a leg trip after a clothesline.

Hiromi goes over to confer with Keina who looks sad that
they aren't winning. The referee (Fry) tries to get them to
continue to wrestle but Keina starts crying. Fry assures
them that they are doing "well for KENTA" and they perk up.
Hiromi finally manages to get an advantage against Harmony
by keeping her down with some a camel clutch. Everytime
Melody goes to break them up and Harmony tries to then
make the tag, Keina immediately starts crying which
leads to Fry going over to her to cheer her up...effectively
stopping him from seeing a legal tag to Melody. Oddly
heelish tactics from KENTA! Army, but effective ones.
The crowd seems to be split on it as some boo Keina,
leading her to cry even more...and helping her cause.

Finally Harmony is able to break free of a Hiromi KENTA Crab,
(I won't go into the reasons for that move name...) and
hot tags Melody who hits a few arm drags and chops. Then
she starts going into repeatedly pinning attempts against
Hiromi. Hiromi then quickly tags to Keina, who walks
into a similar onslaught of smooth pinning combinations
for repeated 2.9 counts. Melody is on a victory roll here!

But the actual finish comes after a bizarre turn of events.
As Hiromi sees Keina in trouble from possible pins,
she attempts the "KENTA! Cry" distraction technique,
which brings Fry back over to the corner to console her and
leads to his inability to continue to count Melody's attempted
pins. Suddenly, we see Eris Byrne running down the aisle
and sliding into the ring. Keina is still down from
a pinning attempt but Melody tries to fight Eris
off. Eris ducks a Melody clothesline and hits a spinning
toe hold that sends Melody face down. Eris mounts her and,
while Melody is down, slips a KENTA mask on her confused
face. Eris rolls out of the ring and hides as Keina
(who has gotten up but didn't see Eris) then picks
Melody up and immediately FREEZES when she sees the KENTA
Mask! Melody, having no clue what is going on either,
or why her opponent suddenly froze in place defenseless,
immediately grabs Keina with a rolling prawn hold
and gets the 3 count as Fry finally gets away from Hiromi
thanks to Harmony screaming to count the damn pin already!

As the match ends, we see Eris get out of hiding
behind the apron and start laughing at KENTA Army.
Melody takes the mask off, looks at it, gets mildly
annoyed, but then Harmony just sighs, points to
their opponents and gives a "what did you expect?"
gesture. The Reed Sisters walk off somewhat disappointed
at the level of competition, but happy to get the
victory. Meanwhile, Keina picks the mask off the
floor in a confused fashion as Hiromi points to Eris.
Keina and Hiromi look angry as Eris continues to
laugh at them. Hiromi then gets a microphone:

Hiromi: "BAD!! NEVER USE KENTA FACE IN VAIN!
ONLY USE IT FOR PREASURE!"

Keina: "AND IT BAD TO HURT NOMI LAST SHOW!!"

Hiromi: "ME YOU MATCH NEXT VOLTAGE! I WILL
TEACH YOU TO ROVE KENTA AND BE
LESPECTFUL OF OTHERS, MEAN RADY!!"

*Eris takes a mock step forward, sending Keina and
Hiromi quickly back. Eris laughs and then leaves
the arena as KENTA! Army is still shaken up by the loss
and shock of seeing the KENTA mask used against them.*



*We return to the studio with General Celes.*


Celes: "I already had scheduled Hiromi to face Eris
so I can only assume Eris interfered in order
to send a message to KENTA Army: it being that
if they continue to get in her way, then they
will not have good luck. But that DOES not
explain why Hiromi challenged Eris to a match
already publicly announced...though this IS KENTA
Army I am trying to ascribe reason to...*sighs*

Celes: "Our next match features Lana taking on DARKNESS
Diva. Just as she requested a match with Kat
Black for the previous Voltage, she also requested
this match with Lana. The match with Kat was to
attempt to even the score for their first
match in OG-Joshi. This match tonight was to get
revenge on Lana for hurting the neck of Diva's
tag team partner and ally, Yoyo Banzai. We will
see if Diva is more successful in this endeavour
then she was against Kat Black. As for Lana,
this will be another chance to, as she told me,
"stick it" to Yoyo Banzai. I am hoping she means
that in a different context then Mr. Figaro does
when he brings up doing that to Patty or Kim Cross.
I suppose we will find out Lana's intentions now."



*Once again we go back to the arena to find both combatants
in the ring. Lana is cracking her knuckles and smiling as Diva
is doing some mild stretching. Diva walks over to Lana's side,
despite being warned by the referee (Coach McGuirk), and gets
in her face. Lana smirks which causes Diva to slap her on the
face. Lana checks her lip for blood, and upon seeing some,
smiles even wider. This causes Diva to run back to her corner
and hide behind the referee who is issuing her an "I told you
so" speech. Lana starts approaching (Tong Po style) and we're on!*



Match 3: Lana vs. DARKNESS Diva


Diva clings onto the back of Coach McGuirk (yielding mixed
feelings on his face of frustration and arousal) as Lana
tries to circle the two. Finally Diva throws out her thumb
into Lana's eye from behind the Coach. Lana backs up as
Diva begins going on the attack with punches and kicks,
until Lana grabs one of Diva's legs and issues a binding
PROCLAMATION OF PAIN with a straight right hand landing
squarely on Diva's masked jaw. The crowd grimaces at the
sound. Diva is down, and Coach begins to back Lana up so
he can count to see if if Diva can continue. Finally by
the 8 count, Diva manages to get up but is clearly wobbly.

Lana just leans against the corner waiting for Diva to
finally get her legs under her. When Diva appears ready,
Lana gestures over to her. Diva starts to walk but then
immediately flops down, still feeling the effects of the
prior crushing blow. Lana walks up and starts hitting a
few CHON KICKS to Diva's face, and then looks at Coach
and shrugs her shoulders. McGuirk just stands there,
waiting for Lana to pin her...which she does...until she
pulls her up at the 2.9 count, slightly irking McGuirk.
(Get it? "IRKing McGuIRK?"...never mind)p

Lana picks Diva up just enough so that she's balancing
on one knee. Then Lana shouts to her: "Send my love
to Yoyo" and practically kicks Diva's jaw into the
9th row with the "Impromptu Facelift" (Blade Kick).
Lana covers and THIS time stays on Diva for the 3 count.
This match is OVER and Diva looks like a mess. Lana
exits the ring, smiling, as we see some of the medical
staff run down to attend to Yoyo, who is going to have
more ice on her face then Chilly Willy bobbing for apples.*


*We go back to the studio where Celes is rubbing her chin*


Celes: "Lana is one of the hardest strikers in OG-Joshi
and I think Diva will be wise to reiterate that
message to Yoyo Banzai, who already had a taste
of Lana's rage at the February Voltage."

Celes: "And now we come to the main event of the evening.
I had mentioned that there will be a debuting
wrestler to face OG-Joshi's resident receptacle,
Sandy Morton. And you are all about to find out
the newest member of the OG-Joshi roster."


*Fade back to the arena as Sandy Morton comes to the ring,
seconded by OG-Joshi World Champion, Holly. Holly is psyching
Sandy up as her opponent is about to come to the ring...



It's JULI TANAKA! The former head of the McPro gym and noted
McPro Women's wrestler!! A long time friend of Twinky McLanahan
and a wrestler skilled in quick paced, high flying maneuvers!
Juli Tanaka is making her OG-Joshi debut TONIGHT!

*Holly looks somewhat surprised, seeing a former McPro and
McLanahan Army wrestler debuting on OG-Joshi Amplitude. But
since she has faced Juli before, she is giving Sandy Morton
some advice. Sandy is nodding along as Juli gets into the
ring and is met by a fan chant of "McPro! McPro! McPro"
Juli nods respectfully as the referee (Guybrush) checks
the wardrobe of Sandy Morton for foreign objects...or at
least he begins to check Sandy until a certain stench causes
him to back away and start the match while looking ill*



Match 4: Juli Tanaka vs. Sandy Morton w/ Holly


Sandy and Juli approach each other as Sandy starts talking
trash to Juli. Sandy then slaps Juli across the face...lightly.
Or at least lightly in COMPARISON to the chop Juli brings forth
onto Sandy's chest. Half the crowd "oooohs" as the other half
"woos" due to the sound of the chop. Sandy quickly runs to
her corner and confers with Holly, as Juli just stands there
sighing at her actions. Sandy comes back after a few seconds
and once again slaps Juli, this time a bit harder. Then she
slaps her again and goes for a chop. Juli grabs Sandy's
arm mid chop and turns it into an armwringer. Then Sandy
tries the chop again and Juli turns it into an armwringer
takedown! Someone in the crowd loudly screams "YEAH! ARMWORK!"
to which Juli smiles awkwardly in reaction.

Sandy gets up and quickly runs back to her corner, crouching
as she again confers with Holly. This time Juli is less patient
and begins walking over. She grabs Juli by the scruff of the
neck but Holly screams "NOW!" and Sandy lets loose with a low
blow that sends Juli down to her knees. Guybrush begins
admonishing Sandy but doesn't see Holly (from the arena floor)
raking a downed Juli's eyes and starting to grind her elbow
in Juli's face. Holly stops just in time for Guybrush to
turn around, only to see Holly whistling with her hands behind
her back...usually the telltale sign of misbehavior. But before
Guybrush can act, Sandy continues on offense with a few kicks
to the ribs. She picks Juli up and slaps her again...big
mistake as this just serves to anger Juli who unloads a
vicious elbow to the face of Sandy!! Sandy careens backwards
into the turnbuckles! Juli walks over and starts hitting
multiple chops to the fan's delight as Sandy's chest is
getting redder and even more swollen then another part of her!

Holly, sensing her protege is in danger, yells to Guybrush,
"Look behind you, a 3 headed monkey!" Guybrush falls for
the caper and looks behind him, allowing Holly the opening
to trip Juli and hold her down long enough for Sandy to
deliver a DISGUSTING "Sandy-shock-u Nightmare!" Juli struggles
to get out of it as Holly holds her down...Guybrush still
is searching for that 3 headed monkey. After about 10
seconds, he finally turns around to see Holly again
whistling and Sandy firmly in control. Sandy hits some
rather ineffective right hands but then, at the advice of
Holly, attempts a facebuster. Somewhat botched, but it
gets the job done...provided she was intending to work
on Juli's ear... (you know, ear-related offence isn't
practiced enough! Where are those ear submissions!?)

Sandy pulls Juli up but Juli shoves her aside and hits
a hard kick to Sandy's midsection. Sandy doubles over
in pain, and Juli grabs her for an easy snapmare. Then
Juli runs the ropes and hits a front dropkick to Sandy's
face! Sandy winces as Juli irish whips her and follows with
a beautiful flying leg scissors. Sandy didn't know what hit
her and gets up confused only to be snared by a standing
hurracarana whip of Juli. Sandy again gets up, somewhat dizzy,
and starts throwing wild punches as Juli points and laughs.
Holly gets angry and hops onto the apron...but then...

ZOMG IT'S JENNY MCLANAHAN!! Jenny McLanahan runs down
to ringside and grabs Holly by the legs! Jenny quickly
pulls them down, causing Holly to slip and hit her chin on the
apron! Holly looks more shocked then hurt as she looks behind
her and sees an angry Jenny, who was clearly sick of Holly's
shenanigans! Jenny begins brawling with Holly as Sandy looks
confused and scared now that her mentor is indisposed! She
turns around, to see Juli smiling at her, and starts to
panic. Juli runs after Sandy as they circle around the
ring, until finally Juli catches her and grabs her by
the hair! Juli goes to chop Sandy but Sandy cowers in
utter fear. Juli sighs, waits for Sandy to realize she
isn't going to be chopped, and then quickly jumps and
grabs Sandy in a hurracarana for a 3 count that Sandy is
totally powerless (mentally and physically) to escape!

The victorious Juli rolls Sandy out of the ring as
Jenny McLanahan realizes the match is over. Jenny
gets into the ring to congratulate Juli and raises
her hand high in the air. The two highfive each other
and walk to the back laughing at Holly and Sandy.


*We go back to the studio where Celes is smiling*


Celes: "A very impressive debut for Juli Tanaka
as she clearly outwrestled Sandy Morton.
And thanks to Jenny McLanahan, Holly's
antics were stopped. Jenny and Juli
Tanaka know each other very well and
were clearly able to easily disrupt and
defeat Holly's ineffectual plans. It
appears Sandy still has a ways to go
in the ring under Holly's 'tutelage.'
I would advise them to step up their
training so as not to be completely
embarrassed by Jenny and viciously
destroyed by Alicia at the next Voltage."


Celes: "And that brings us to the end
of tonight's Amplitude. Amplitude will be coming to you next
on April 15th, and the next Voltage will be on
April 8th. To check the matches scheduled for
each of those shows, and those of the future,
I suggest you keep up to date with our website:

ogjoshi.proboards55.com/index.cgi?board=schedules


Celes: "Thank you for joining us and we hope to
bring you a new and permanent Amplitude
host for the next show. Farewell for now."



Fin