Cross' Loss

[OrochiGeese]

The camera fades in on a title screen saying "Naze Nani Cross' Loss" written in wobbly kind of
way and apparently in felt-tip pen.

"That's enough! Move it out of the way!"

The "screen" turns out to be a bit of cardboard being held by Random Lackey No.1 and is promptly
lowered revealing none other than Kim Cross!
In a rather drastic change to her usual attire she's dressed in skin tight black trousers, with
thigh-high black leather boots. Kim's upper body is.."covered" by a PVC halter top/bodice combo
which creaks rather ominously. To finish the stern look her hair is pulled back in a very tight bun
and a pair of spectacles rest halfway down her nose.

Kim: "Greetings class. Today I will endeavour to teach you all a little something. Please take notes,
as there will be a test. Lackey!"

Kim snaps her fingers and Random Lackey No.2 wheels on a projector screen whilst No.1 hands Kim a
riding crop.

"Excellent. For those of you that missed it, I lost my rematch against Lana this week..I know, I know
I'm as shocked as you are! Today I hope to educate some of you into how and why this happened. Roll
VT."

A clip of the match begins playing on the screen. The video pauses when Kim strikes the screen with
the crop.

"Here, at two and a half minutes, we see Lana clearly working on my arm. No..I give her too much
credit..here we see Lana brutishly and unskillfully hitting my arm with her shoulder. It's not part
of a plan to get me with an arm-based submission though, as will become evident. Next clip."

A montage of armbreakers used by Lana is shown.

"And again, more arm damaging moves..but these aren't intentional armbreakers! Oh no! These are
failed attempts at shoulder throws. I guess Lana just isn't bright enough to do them properly, hence
her tendency for less complicated techniques, such as straight jabbing strikes and kneeing me IN THE FACE!"

To vent her anger Kim lashes off-screen with the crop, a whimper is heard as she hits a target.

"Sorry about that little outburst, I'll try to keep it under control."

She pushes her spectacles back into place.

"Next clip. Here, at a mere thirteen minutes in, we have a very weary looking Lana. Even more than usual!
Hard to believe, but the camera never lies. A few moments later we have a Lana who is so exhausted she
cannot even run to the ropes! Looks like someone has been indulging a little too much. Lana, dearie,
may I suggest less pies and more training? Final reel!"

A montage of Lana kicking out of various pin attempts is shown on the screen.

"Eyes to the front...not *my* front, Mr. Figaro, I know you were looking! Ahem. Here we have Lana
apparently "kicking out" of some pins. I say apparently as we can all see why they were unsuccessful.
This rollup pin, for example, wasn't kicked out of, but released by yours truly! Not on purpose mind you,
but because I simply couldn't hold Lana's excessive thighs up in the air anymore. I believe you Americans
would say that Lana has..."alot of junk in her trunk". This leads me nicely to how Lana's jujigatame
was so effective."

Kim pauses for effect whilst bending the crop.

"Lana was too out of shape for me to counter the hold! Anyone, even the great masters, such as Kobayashi,
Cross, Kano, Tomiki...every single one would have been unable to continue once they've had some
"half-tonne Tess" lump of a girl dragging their arm down. That's right Cross fans, Lana was too unfit
for me to wrestle her effectively! And for that, the match suffered. To give Lana a chance to
redeem herself I propose a rematch. As an incentive for her to get in shape and give the fans
the match I-...*they* deserve, I suggest it take place at The July OG-Joshi PPV!"

Kim lowers herself into a sitting position, just as it appears she'll fall over Random Lackey No.1
forms a human bench.

"The tag match at the next Voltage will be a good indicator of how well you are doing, I do so hope
you find trousers that fit by then. That's all for todays lesson. See you soon dearies!"

As way of punctuation Kim whips the bench as we fade...out.