Make it a LAWLBuster night!
Feb 16, 2007 3:08:46 GMT -5
Post by OrochiGeese on Feb 16, 2007 3:08:46 GMT -5
*We interrupt your regularly scheduled and uninspired sitcom/reality show/extreme sport/non-Nintendo based next gen system hype to bring you a special announcement from LAWLBuster video!*
*"Movies, movies, movies, movies, movies, movies, MOVIES!" song plays as we fade in on a home video rental store. Not quite as clean or high tech as one of those big national chains...but this one seems mostly roach-free and devoid of any MAJOR parasite infestation (e.coli prevention not guaranteed)*
*The music changes to generic lyricless advertising pop music as a smiling (purported) employee wearing a blue collared shirt and donning a head of golden blonde hair joins us behind her desk.*
Employee: "Hi, I'm Alici...um, Jane Doe for LAWLbuster video!"
Alicia....uh, Jane: "We have a huge summer of movies for you and wanted to show each and every one of you that there is a movie with YOUR name on it!"
Jane: "For all you kids out there, be sure to check out the "Best of Las Potatodores: Off of your plates, Into the Wrestling Ring, and Into your hearts: Volume 2!"
Jane: "For all you grown-ups, check out "Best of the Reyes Family: Marie's greatest matches! Or for couples, we have two exciting NC17 choices: "Mining the Ruby of Moreno" and "Bananasplosions: On the Beach!"
*Alicia abandons her happy-go-lucky sales pitch as her face turns to a biting scowl*
Jane: "And for all you fat, disgusting, backstabbing, vile OG-Joshi wrestlers directly derived from the Krieger family of Germany, who are no doubt stewing in your own rancid juices...
*Alicia holds up a DVD with this slightly faded and odd cover*
[image]http://og-fpd.fireproclub.com/Matches/LAWL/FinaLAWLS/FinaLAWLS.JPG[/image]
Jane: "I recommend FinaLAWLS 2006! It will be out THIS WEEKEND and will feature such matches as Kat Black vs. Lucky Lupe and Jenny McLanahan vs. Marie Reyes!"
Jane: "And if that's not enough to make a huge Krieger woman reach for her special phone dialing wand to use with your greasy, engorged fingers, then check this out!"
Jane: "FinaLAWLS features the return of OG-Joshi and LAWL megastar, Alicia Gordon!! No doubt she will make a huge impact, almost as huge as Juli Krieger's ass, as she teams with Las Potatodores to take on Grace Reyes and a couple of bananas! Juli Krieger...take note...cause every move that Alicia does in that ring will find its way to you soon! So don't miss Alicia's in ring display!"
Jane: "Even better...we're offering a special "haul your huge ass over to rent one video and get TWO for free!"
*The music turns to techno for a few seconds and Alicia gets a frown on her face*
Jane: "We regret that we don't have any special "german shyzer" videos to make you feel at home! But we're sure we can offer a multitude of other great movies that a gastropod such as yourself would enjoy! Plenty of "When cowardly animals attack" specials as well as full documentaries about roaches and maggots!"
*Music goes back to normal and Alicia smiles widely with satisfaction*
Jane: "We'll even allow you to choose from some of our epic long movies...as you'll have PLENTY of time to watch one when you are forced out of OG-Joshi by Alicia Gordon!"
Jane: "So come one, come all, to get the FinaLAWLS DVD and watch Alicia Gordon and the women...and fruit...and, um vegetables, of LAWL put on a great show!"
Jane: "Oh, and if your name is Mr. Figaro...we don't carry YOUR kind of smut! Sorry! Bye everyone!"
*Closing LAWLbuster video jingle as the scene fades out. We now see Marie Reyes come into the picture*
Marie: "Nice job."
Alicia: "Marie...that bitch is mine...Juli is gonna pay, and I'm ready."
Marie: "In due time, in due time."
Alicia: "The only thing that's due now is repayment of her attack."
*Marie pats a tense Alicia on the shoulder as the scene really fades out now...as in RP over!*
*"Movies, movies, movies, movies, movies, movies, MOVIES!" song plays as we fade in on a home video rental store. Not quite as clean or high tech as one of those big national chains...but this one seems mostly roach-free and devoid of any MAJOR parasite infestation (e.coli prevention not guaranteed)*
*The music changes to generic lyricless advertising pop music as a smiling (purported) employee wearing a blue collared shirt and donning a head of golden blonde hair joins us behind her desk.*
Employee: "Hi, I'm Alici...um, Jane Doe for LAWLbuster video!"
Alicia....uh, Jane: "We have a huge summer of movies for you and wanted to show each and every one of you that there is a movie with YOUR name on it!"
Jane: "For all you kids out there, be sure to check out the "Best of Las Potatodores: Off of your plates, Into the Wrestling Ring, and Into your hearts: Volume 2!"
Jane: "For all you grown-ups, check out "Best of the Reyes Family: Marie's greatest matches! Or for couples, we have two exciting NC17 choices: "Mining the Ruby of Moreno" and "Bananasplosions: On the Beach!"
*Alicia abandons her happy-go-lucky sales pitch as her face turns to a biting scowl*
Jane: "And for all you fat, disgusting, backstabbing, vile OG-Joshi wrestlers directly derived from the Krieger family of Germany, who are no doubt stewing in your own rancid juices...
*Alicia holds up a DVD with this slightly faded and odd cover*
[image]http://og-fpd.fireproclub.com/Matches/LAWL/FinaLAWLS/FinaLAWLS.JPG[/image]
Jane: "I recommend FinaLAWLS 2006! It will be out THIS WEEKEND and will feature such matches as Kat Black vs. Lucky Lupe and Jenny McLanahan vs. Marie Reyes!"
Jane: "And if that's not enough to make a huge Krieger woman reach for her special phone dialing wand to use with your greasy, engorged fingers, then check this out!"
Jane: "FinaLAWLS features the return of OG-Joshi and LAWL megastar, Alicia Gordon!! No doubt she will make a huge impact, almost as huge as Juli Krieger's ass, as she teams with Las Potatodores to take on Grace Reyes and a couple of bananas! Juli Krieger...take note...cause every move that Alicia does in that ring will find its way to you soon! So don't miss Alicia's in ring display!"
Jane: "Even better...we're offering a special "haul your huge ass over to rent one video and get TWO for free!"
*The music turns to techno for a few seconds and Alicia gets a frown on her face*
Jane: "We regret that we don't have any special "german shyzer" videos to make you feel at home! But we're sure we can offer a multitude of other great movies that a gastropod such as yourself would enjoy! Plenty of "When cowardly animals attack" specials as well as full documentaries about roaches and maggots!"
*Music goes back to normal and Alicia smiles widely with satisfaction*
Jane: "We'll even allow you to choose from some of our epic long movies...as you'll have PLENTY of time to watch one when you are forced out of OG-Joshi by Alicia Gordon!"
Jane: "So come one, come all, to get the FinaLAWLS DVD and watch Alicia Gordon and the women...and fruit...and, um vegetables, of LAWL put on a great show!"
Jane: "Oh, and if your name is Mr. Figaro...we don't carry YOUR kind of smut! Sorry! Bye everyone!"
*Closing LAWLbuster video jingle as the scene fades out. We now see Marie Reyes come into the picture*
Marie: "Nice job."
Alicia: "Marie...that bitch is mine...Juli is gonna pay, and I'm ready."
Marie: "In due time, in due time."
Alicia: "The only thing that's due now is repayment of her attack."
*Marie pats a tense Alicia on the shoulder as the scene really fades out now...as in RP over!*